Water Festival Tragedy - in Cambodia

 As we arrived at the water festival, there were all sorts of snacks and toys and decorations. You could tell that everyone in the city from the very young to the very old were enjoying themselves. Ryan looked up information about the water festival online and discovered that
"Bon Om Thook (Khmer) n), the Khmer Water Festival, is a Cambodian festival celebrated in November. Every town and province joins in with the festival but the biggest celebrations take place in Phnom Penh. For three days, workers from every province join with the city's residents to celebrate by night and day.
The festival lasts for three days, and commemorates the end of the country's rainy season,^[1] as well as the reversal of flow of the Tonle Sap River.^[2] It includes boat races and concerts, and attracts several million people each year... The Tonlé Sap is unusual for two reasons: its flow changes direction twice a year, and the portion that forms the lake expands and shrinks dramatically with the seasons. From November to May, Cambodia's dry season, the Tonlé Sap drains into the Mekong River at Phnom Penh. However, when the year's heavy rains begin in June, the Tonlé Sap backs up to form an enormous lake." - Wikipedia
This is different from the other water festivals in southeast Asia which commemorate the new year.

 The streets were packed with people - mostly young people.

 We saw the traditional boat races. This tradition is an ancient one.

 People were flooding the area around the river to watch the boat races; There they said that over 1 million people typically attend this festival.

 We headed down by the palace where the king of Cambodia lives. The people really love their king, although they do make jokes about him being single and enjoying ballet.

 To our surprise, army and police officials began to line up - and a few moments later the king himself came to join in the fun at the water festival. Jayne Anne McKewin was thrilled to see the king! She always was a bit starstruck by him.

 Kids were everywhere - playing with small tires, small fish-shaped boats, they were digging in the sand and running around - sometimes holding a younger sibling on their hip.

 This is photographic evidence that Jayne Anne saw the king. And that was our water festival experience - until later when we went to the beach and heard through the grapevine about the tragic events of 11/22/10. "At least 349 people were killed and hundreds injured in a stampede in Cambodia that broke out while thousands were celebrating a water festival on an island in a river in Phnom Penh late on 22 November 2010." - http://www.rediff.com/news/slide-show/slide-show-1-celebrations-turn-deadly-in-cambodia/20101123.htm
The people we were staying with were all horrified - They felt the way Americans did on 9/11 - but it was much closer to home for them. The population of the entire country is less than 15 million and the entire country is only about twice the size of Ohio.

 This is the bridge where the stampede took place. We went to see it after we arrived back in phnom penh from the beach.

 These golden papers were littered everywhere around the scene - I'm not entirely sure of their significance.

 The vendors came with their wares as the mourning people congregated in the area.

 There was caution tape around the scene and monks visiting. Family members and friends gathered together in a somber mass around the river. Many people were crying or praying.

Some people (maybe some of the monks?) spread a rumor that was going through the city. People believed that there was an evil spirit that was like a dragon and killed people and might kill again if the spirit was not appeased. Additionally, it was said that only bananas would appease this specific spirit - so demand for bananas skyrocketed raising the price to $10 a bunch. The equivalent of a month's wages for some. Then the expensive bananas were left out in shrines such as this one as an offering to the spirit.
It was pretty wild and sobering to experience this national tragedy firsthand. I felt like it would be good to share some of the photos with others who might be interested in what went on there.

"First They Killed My Father" by Loung Ung

A biography about a child survivor of the genocide in Cambodia; this book is haunting and hard not to read in one sitting. I read it in two sittings; but in less than 24 hours. And it was in my dreams and thoughts for many days afterward. Is it worth reading? Absolutely.
From 1975 to 1979, 2 million people were killed under the Khmer Rouge regime, led by Pol Pot. This book gives a pretty graphic snapshot into that time. It is told through the eyes of the main character and biographer, Loung. The story starts when she's 5 years old and the Khmer Rouge evacuate the capital city of Cambodia. Later, there is a scene of her in a camp by herself - taking care of herself, walking the road alone to find her mother - and she's 7 years old; the age of my daughter Lexi.
Anyway, I won't tell the whole story, and it isn't the sort of book you take quotes from, but I'll share a short passage. The context for this passage is that a neighbor boy has just died of starvation.
"The two girls and Chong have taken a turn for the worse since the death of the boy. A few days after his death, his two sisters decided to go to the forest and look for food by themselves. They were so hungry they ate mushrooms that turned out to be poisonous. After they died, Chong ran hysterically over to our house. "They were shaking all over! They kept calling me to help them, and I couldn't! They kept crying. They didn't even know what happened to them!" Ma catches Chong in her arms as she falls to her knees.
"They are resting now. Don't worry, they are sleeping." Ma holds Chong in her arms.
"They turned all white, the hair on their bodies stood up and blood came out of my babies' pores! My babies shook and cried for me to help them, for me to take their pain away. I couldn't do anything for them. They rolled on the ground screaming in pain, asking me to make it stop. I tried to hold on to them, but I wasn't strong enough. I watched them die! I watched them die! They died crying for me, but I couldn't help them." Chong sobs uncontrollably, sliding to the floor and lays her head in Ma's lap.
"There is nothing we can do now. They are resting." Ma strokes Chong's arm, trying to soothe her pain. But no one could save her from the pain; she cries and howls. She reached her hands into her shirt to massage her chest as if trying to exorcise the pain from her heart.
Standing beside Ma, I watch the girls being buried near their house. I cannot see their bodies, but earlier two villagers had brought out two small bundles wrapped in old black clothes. The bundles looked so small that it was hard to imagine that they were once the girls I knew. I wonder if the Angkar cares that they are dead. I remember when we first arrived at Ro Leap, the chief told us that the Angkar would take care of us and would provide us with everything we need. I guess the Angkar doesn't understand that we need to eat." p.86

laying a foundation - from haggai

Last night I heard that someone used an analogy from Haggai to describe a danger in adult work. In Haggai, the prophet speaks out against people who leave the house of God in ruins, yet work hard to make their own paneled houses beautiful. The idea for the current day principle/application would be to build up God's house and not just our own households.
Today, I decided to read Haggai - and the ideas were really thought-provoking and encouraging. I was especially struck by the following verses:
"The word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet, "Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins? Now therefore, consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough. You drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes...Because My house lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house...Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the Lord. Work, for I am with you, declares the Lord of hosts...Since the day that the foundation of the Lord's temple was laid, consider: Is the seed yet in the barn? Indeed, the vine, the fig tree, the pomegranate, and the olive tree have yielded nothing. But from this day on I will bless you." (Haggai 1:3-6, 9b, 2:4b, 3:18b-19) 

I'm not saying that we can reach a magical day where the Lord begins blessing us more - to say that this book is teaching that would mean I was employing terrible hermeneutics. But, I do think that there is a universal truth principle to be gleaned from this book. We must not give up on doing the Lord's work. We can't be satisfied with simply building and feathering our own little nests. I think this principle is especially good for those in our sphere - since we are new and "laying a foundation" that will hopefully benefit many future people.
Love you guys! Have a great holiday - and don't forget spiritual goals in your New Year's planning. xxoo

"Members of One Another" by Dennis McCallum

So, my dad's new book is out! I've read and re-read the book through the pre-published phases, but I still look forward to reading through the finished work. The sub-title "How to Build a Biblical Ethos into Your Church" describes the goal of the book - it's an argument for NT style church as well as a practical guidebook on how to do church. Exciting to have this book to refer people to!

This book is not for the weak to read - it is over 300 pages, and it covers a lot. But, if you've ever had anyone ask you about why Xenos seems like such a weird church, this book would make an excellent read; it would make for a great gift too. It's long, but it's easy to read and get into.

The weird/funny thing I have to mention is that it has part of a naked guy on the front cover. That, and it's called "Members" - there are some jokes in the making there to be sure.

I do plan to write up a complete review once I finish reading the book again. It may be a while though, because I am hoping to read through this with a friend - and those reads always tend to be slower and more thoughtful. But, I wanted to help get the word out there so everyone will run out and pick up their copies this week and get extras for xmas presents too.

"Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend part 2

I finished "Boundaries" today. I liked the book as a whole - the main message had to do with being responsible for your own choices, rather than being out-of-control, or constantly manipulated. I don't think it was a flawless book - I disagree with their interpretation of "reaping and sowing", and I felt that they spent the majority of time talking about the problem and very little time talking about the solution. So, when reading it you are left with an impression about where you have problems with boundaries, but not necessarily an action plan for change.

Section 2 of the book is called "Boundary Conflicts"
In this section he goes through certain types of relationships and what boundary problems would look like in those relationships. He talks specifically about: family of origin, friends, spouse, children, work, God (blaming God for things that are not His responsibility or doing), and self (for the out-of-control undisciplined person).

Family of origin - In this section he describes adults who are chronically immature, have trouble finding a job, trouble with finances, choose "black sheep" friends, yet enjoy a very loving family of origin. He says that adults in this situation need to leave the nest and begin taking responsibility for their own choices. They need to refuse illegitimate help from their parents which keeps them from emotionally leaving home. They also need to avoid "Triangulation" - which is the failure to resolve conflict between two persons without bringing in another family member to take sides. In rare cases an irresponsible sibling will sometimes lean on the responsible sibling to avoid leaving home and being an independant adult.

Friendships - In this section he talked about friends manipulating each other and complying because of guilt - but then resenting their friend and withdrawing. Those sorts of things will leave a trail of broken friendships. In order to be in a healthy friendship - we will sometimes disagree, but we will honestly discuss things.

Spouse - This section was long. He talked about not using passive-aggressive withdraw, but rather being clear and verbal about your goals - also keeping in mind that you may need to negotiate some to reach a happy compromise. Another point he makes throughout all the sections is that unforgiveness is a lack of boundaries. Refusing to forgive leaves you controlled by someone else, whereas forgiveness brings you the freedom to be responsible.

Children - In this section he talks about controlling and permissive parents. The answer for both is the same: lay out a boundary to your child along with the consequences and then let them choose if they want to obey or disobey. If they disobey, you must let them face the consequences. This is the only way kids will learn that their choices matter. For example, saying "You need to clean your room today, or there won't be any T.V." is good. Then, let the child choose to either clean their room or not. But if they don't clean it, and then they try to watch T.V. - you have to stick to your guns, and say "You will be able to watch T.V. after your room gets cleaned." They say that parents should raise their children to ultimately hold convictions such as: "My success or failure in life depends a good deal on me. Though I am to look to others for comfort and instruction, I alone am responsible for my choices. Though I am deeply affected by significant relationships, I can't blame my problems on others. Though I will always fail, I cannot depend on some overresponsible individual to constantly bail me out of spiritual, relational, or financial crises." (p. 178) They also emphasize that we always show unconditional love while setting limits.

Work - In this section, they advise workaholics (who work too much due to guilt and pressure) and those who resent their jobs, and those who can't seem to find any job that is "them". The point is that we can have crappy jobs without letting it control our lives or emotions, or we can take responsible actions to search for a better job.

Self - In this section he talks about people who don't take care of themselves, who overeat or fail to get proper sleep. And he puts it into a framework of boundaries - saying we need to take more ownership and set limits with ourselves as well.

God - In this section, he talks about human agency - the fact that there are certain things that God gives us to do. Also, he writes that we shouldn't blame God for what He didn't do; but that we should educate ourselves about God through the Word.

The final section is about the solution to boundaries. It wasn't that satisfying in my opinion. He did have some good stuff about not being a victim. For example, if you get guilted into doing something - that is your problem, not the guilt-tripper person's problem. They write this about being a victim: "People tend to look outside of themselves for the problem. This external perspective keeps you the victim. It says that you can never be okay until someone else changes. That is the essence of powerless blame. It may make you morally superior (in your own thinking, never in reality), but it will never fix the problem. Responsibility begins with an internal focus of confession and repentance." (p.264) He also talks about how we need the support of healthy Christian relationships and obviously the help of God too.

"Mom's Everything Book for Daughters" by: Becky Freeman

Ok, so I never finished writing a review for the "Boundaries" book and started reading another book. It's the sanguine in me. But, I will eventually write the part 2 review for the "Boundaries" book.

This new book I'm reading is for a very specific audience - moms with daughters. It's a REALLY good book so far - the sort of book I find to be very helpful. Full of genuine, frank, diverse advice for moms. It's not preachy or full of fluff. The things she writes about are right-on and she gives lots of inspiring ideas too. Sure, she's more traditional than your typical Xenos mom, but that's true of any Christian parenting book. You can take some of the Christian-culture things with a grain of salt. The thing I really love so far is that one page will have facts about eating disorders and then the next page will have a box filled with classic mom-daughter movie choices. It is exactly that sort of thing that will inspire a mom to have good quality interactions with her daughter.

"You will probably be surprised one day when you ask your daughter what she remembers most about your times together. Most often it isn't the grand, planned, mother-daughter occasions - but the small kindnesses, the little notes on her pillow or in her lunch box, the "folding laundry and watching a video" times of coziness and warmth and fun." - p.20

If you are a mother of a daughter aged 5-15, you should probably buy this book and look at it occasionally. I rented this copy from the library - but, I plan on buying a copy to keep. I'll write a longer review when I finish it - it's possible that the book will go downhill from here and if that's the case, I'll let y'all know.

Boundaries - by Cloud and Townsend

I've been reading through this new book - and I'm very intrigued. But, I'm not finished with it yet - only about 1/3 of the way through - so, I'll have to hold off final judgment for now. I'll send out a "part 2" review of the rest of the book at a later date.

The sub-title of the book is: Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life. And while the idea of looking into "when to say yes, when to say no" is very interesting to me, (a person who says "yes" too often) the "take control of your life" makes me cynical : uh-oh. here-comes-a-counselor-with-a-bunch-of-fluff. And, I have to say - so far this book does need to be taken with a grain of salt (doesn't everything?). He has really got on a soapbox preaching about "reaping what you sow" - which I think he misinterprets and mis-applies. And sometimes the authors sound like an after-school special. But some of the ideas here are very interesting, and my curiosity is peaked.

The authors start off with an example of a working mom who gets bullied by her boss, manipulated her mom, neglected by her husband, even taken for granted by her kids. She will go along with what they want, but then silent resentment and alienation will grow over time.

Then the authors attempt to define boundaries and discuss the reasons why people may struggle to be healthy in this area. Limiting time is a type of boundary. As the authors say, "What we can do is set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly; we can't change them or make them behave right." p.43 Telling someone that we won't spend a lot of time with them is an example of setting a boundary; whereas if we let that person manipulate us into spending a lot of time together, we would be guilty of poor boundaries.

They give another example for a person who may struggle with saying "no" too often. They write, "Many people do not take ownership for how they resist love. They have love around them, but do not realize that their loneliness is a result of their own lack of responsiveness. Often they will say 'Others' love can not 'get in'. This statement negates their responsibility to respond." p.48

They discuss parental boundaries too. For example: "Good parents have fun with their toddlers who jump on the bed. Poor parents either quench their children's desire by not allowing any jumping, or they set no limits and allow them to jump all over Mom and Dad's orange juice and coffee." p.69 That is a great short example of what the authors are talking about - the poor parents in this sentence either say "No" too much, or "Yes" too much.

The main point being made so far in this book is that we should not be passive and go with the flow that
is set by someone else. Instead we should take responsibility for our own actions (or lack thereof). As Christians we are called to follow God's will and love others; but we are not called to be passive pawn-pieces - God wants us to have some responsibility and take some action. It's important to have a good grasp on the doctrine of human agency for this book - without grace and dependence on God, we are a branch without a Vine. But, understood properly, human agency is biblical and within God's plan for us. Someday, we will be accountable for our own actions and we won't be able to blame others for what we did or did not do. As Christians, this is not about self-enpowerment - but something deeper; an active walk with God. As the authors write:
 "Consider the parable of the talents. The ones who succeeded were active and assertive. They initiated and pushed. The one who lost out was passive and inactive. The sad thing is that many people who are passive are not evil. But evil is an active force, and passivity can become an ally of evil by not pushing against it. Passivity never pays off. God wants us to be active, seeking and knocking. We know that God is not mean to people who are afraid; the Scripture is full of examples of His compassion. But He will not enable passivity. The "wicked and lazy" servant was passive. He did not try. God's grace covers failure, but it cannot make up for passivity. We have to do our part. The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing, but failing to try. Trying, failing, and trying again is called learning. Failing to try will have no good result; evil will triumph." pp.99-100

Something that helped me recently on this topic is this passage: " ²²Blessed are you when men hate you,
      when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.  ²³"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets. ²⁶Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets." from Luke 6. It sucks when we have to do the right thing and have people hate us for it; but it is our fear of other people's opinions that will cause us to have poor boundaries - which is way more messy and painful in the long run.